Stealthing is a form of sexual violence
Stealthing, or the removal or non-use of a condom during sex against the partner’s will or without their consent, is a form of sexual violence
Although stealthing is not a new phenomenon, it has come into the public discussion in recent years, as the culture of consent in sexual interactions has been highlighted more in social debate.
What exactly is stealthing
The Family Federation of Finland has referred to stealthing with the Finnish term “häivetekniikka” (stealth technique). The phenomenon could also be called “fake safe sex” What exactly is stealthing, stealth technique, or fake safe sex? Stealthing means removing or not using a condom during sex against the partner’s will or without their consent.
Stealthing is a serious violation of an individual’s integrity and a form of sexual violence, as consent to sex with a condom is different from consent to sex without one. This creates a risk of sexually transmitted infections and, in the case of vaginal intercourse, the risk of an unplanned pregnancy. Particularly harmful is the fact that the victim may not even be aware of the risk if the matter does not come to light.
While working as a nurse in a sexual health center in Rotterdam, Netherlands, I encountered numerous clients daily who came for STI tests due to potential exposure. Occasionally, I would hear stories of how a sexual partner had removed the condom during intercourse or suspicions that this might have happened. Often, this was mentioned in passing as an unpleasant incident that was thought to be preventable if they had paid more attention themselves. However, this is not the case. It is very common for victims of violence to feel guilty about what happened or to feel that they somehow enabled the act of violence. It is important to remember and remind the victim that the perpetrator is always responsible for the act, not the victim.
Is stealthing a crime?
In Finland, a reformed sexual offense law came into effect in 2023, which added the absence of voluntary consent to the definition of rape. This reform is also referred to as consent-based sexual offense legislation. The reform has been necessary. In Finland, removing or not using a condom without the partner’s consent could be interpreted as rape, as there was no consent for intercourse without protection. Future court cases will shape the legal practice and show whether stealthing is interpreted as rape in the Finnish legal system. In the Netherlands, it has been interpreted that it is not rape, but if coercion was involved, the perpetrator could receive a few months’ imprisonment, and the victim could receive financial compensation.
Victims of stealthing can include women, men, transgender people, and non-binary individuals. The experiences of the victims often share the fact that the victim is the penetrated party and that the condom was removed in a sexual position where they did not have a visual on the genital area where the condom was. This makes it practically impossible to detect. Some have resolved the problem by consenting only to positions where they can see the penetrating genitalia or by favoring safer sex tools that they can use themselves, such as internal condoms. These are good methods, but it is more important to emphasize the harmfulness and severity of the phenomenon and how such a phenomenon can be eradicated.
How to prevent?
From a societal perspective, it is important to invest in preventive measures to minimize stealthing and other violations of individuals’ sexual self-determination. In addition to legal processes, this requires a strong embedding of the culture of consent in our society and the strengthening of sexual rights. These can be promoted with high-quality sexual education for all age groups and effective sexual health services.
Support is available
If this topic concerns you or if you have been a victim of stealthing or fake safe sex, remember that help is available! Pro-tukipiste offers support and we can work together to consider how to proceed with the matter.
Sini van Schravendijk Väisänen
Senior Specialist / Anti Violence Work